Enemy, Thy Name is Squirrel

Show me a squirrel anywhere near my home, and I'll show you my nasty side. You may even hear a curse or a threat come out of my mouth. That's because of a series of events that unfolded back in August, revisited here, for your reading pleasure.

SQUIRREL PART 1

AUGUST 4, 2009. MY MOTHER'S FIRST VISIT TO THE HOUSE. WE OPEN THE DOOR, AND LO AND BEHOLD, A SQUIRREL IS SITTING IN THE LIVING ROOM JUST STARING AT US. WELL, STARING, UNTIL ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE. HERE'S A LETTER I POSTED TO FACEBOOK:

Dear Squirrel who is currently terrorizing my office:
Thanks so much for giving my mom a welcome tour of mine and W's new home that she will never forget. There was nothing greater than opening my front door and seeing you freeze in your tracks over near the doorway into our office. The little poops you left everywhere are fabulous too. And now that you're hiding, I just hope you know how much I love having you in our office to wreak further havoc on our computer and all my wedding planning folders.
Love,
C

SEVERAL HOURS LATER. IT TOOK LITERAL POKING AND PRODDING TO GET HIM TO COME OUT FROM BEHIND OUR FILING CABINETS.

Dear Squirrel,
In the words of Taylor Dayne, saying goodbye is never an easy thing. I'm sorry it took W 7-8 violent pokes from the end of a Swiffer to persuade you to finally walk (haul a$$) out that door from behind our file cabinets, but we figured an abrupt departure was better than dragging things out... you know how much I hate goodbyes! We'll miss you!
Love,
C

P.S. Never come back.
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WE THOUGHT OUR TROUBLES WERE OVER, UNTIL...

SQUIRREL PART TWO

AUGUST 12, 2009 - LETTER TO FACEBOOK

Dearest Squirrel,
It was so good of you to "drop" (down our chimney) back by again today! What a glorious surprise to hear you perambulating up and down our office blinds again! I have to admit, many folks thought you'd come back for another visit, but I truly thought when you said goodbye it was forever. Forgive me my shortcomings as a hostess! Next time I'll be ready for you with a glass of lemonade.
Love,
C

P.S. That lemonade will be spiked with weedkiller.

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He left evidence of his journey throughout our house all OVER the house!

 

He had a time running around on our computer keyboard. At one point he Googled the letter "L." We can only assume he was trying to type "liberation," or "locksmith." (I broke my key off in the door trying to open it to let him out!)

One of four window sills he mutilated.

His hiding place until he was poked out.

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The exciting conclusion to our squirrel saga? After visit #2, we called an exterminating company's Wildlife Division.  They came out and convinced me that not only did we have a home ripe for squirrel drop-ins but that we had access points all over for other errrr, creatures.  Needless to say I was the perfect sell (AKA sucker!) because I just opened up my checkbook in fear (and I, of all people, should know better!).  The good news is we should be critter-free from here on out, though the dead chipmunk in our front yard this past weekend made me wonder.